flickering
by mktoddsparky
Summary: /She walks away and seals her heart off. She will never be so weak again./ Pansy/Draco/Ginny - A little glimpse into Pansy's thoughts of Draco's betrayal in their sixth year.


**|flickering|**

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**_AN: Just so you all are aware: 1) This is actually a Pansy/Draco/Ginny oneshot but it's from Pansy's perspective and 2) I made the speech different, as you will all find out; when you see them speaking in parentheses, if there are speech marks and italics together then someone is talking. I hope you enjoy this and please be aware that it contains dark themes that might alarm readers. _**

* * *

_In just one moment I was gone,  
I always thought that I was strong,  
This hole inside me is the deepest canyon;_

_I'm shattered pieces all alone,_  
_And I can't make it on my own,_  
_I hear a melody come soft and slowly;_

_Hallelujah, a whisper in the dark,_  
_Hallelujah, it's tearing me apart,_  
_Hallelujah, all broken hearts._

**_- All Broken Hearts: Tyrone Wells_**

**_x_X_x_**

Her father, Mr. Timothy Parkinson, comes home from a hard day at work, his shoulders heaving and his skin glowing with perspiration (to the point that he resembles a rather ornery wart-hog.)

Her mother flits about the house, fluffing the pillows to perfection and setting a fresh cup of coffee on the table just the way her father likes it, before moving to the parlor to greet her husband with a cheery spirit.

Pansy lurks down the hall, her bulbous nose poking around the corner to scout out the scene and when she hears the familiar cry ("_Pansy, get in here and greet your father_") her face visibly pales.

Her father is busy pointing out how flat his wife's hair looks and how filthy the house is (although her mother tidied everything up just two hours ago) and Pansy is very content to slink in the corner where the shadows gather like cobwebs.

He inspects her ("_you look more sallow every time I see you, Pansy_") before moving to sit down at the kitchen table, taking his customary spot.

Her mother's eyes widen just enough to warn her daughter to sit down and look presentable before the older woman calls for Aimie, their house elf, to fetch dinner. It's chicken and potatoes with no gravy, just like every Tuesday evening; the Parkinsons live for schedule.

Pansy clears her throat and waits for her father to look up at her, his bleary vision swaying with the result of alcohol ("_I'm leaving for Hogwarts next week, Father_") and pauses expectantly.

He grumbles under his breath ("_Hogwarts - huh - what a loony bin, I tell you - all those - huh - mudbloods_") and Pansy's mother shifts in her seat, her expression a tad alarmed at the gentleman's moody outburst.

Pansy, who will insist from then on that Hogwarts is a place filled with mudbloods and scum, tosses and turns that night, preparing to slave the year away at home.

**_x_X_x_**

She wakes up early, far too early by her reckoning, and just looks at her door for a moment before deciding what she's going to do. Pulling out her wand ("_Silencio_") she casts a few useful spells to ensure her safe departure.

Pansy decides that her family cannot control her, because, after all, it's her sixth year at Hogwarts and she's not about to miss it.

Six am finds the young witch sitting exactly at a ninety degree angle ("_because clearly I'm not the sludge that content themselves with poor posture_") on a bench in Station 9 3/4, fog curling around her still form.

**_x_X_x_**

She walks the halls with her fellow prefect, Draco Malfoy, and contents herself mocking the low-life occupants the carraiges house ("_they don't even deserve to be here, Draco._")

Silver eyes meet hers and a smirk curls on his lips ("_you're becoming your father, Parkinson_") and she suddenly feels cold, still, unnatural. Because Draco doesn't know how cruel her father is and Pansy has no desire to tell him at the present moment, despite the fact he's the closest one to her at this damn school.

But since she's supposedly invincible and she has a reputation to uphold she finds a new target ("_what is that stupid puffball on Weasley's shoulder?_") and continues on her way with Draco.

She doesn't miss the piercing gaze he levels on the Weasley girl.

**_x_X_x_**

Several weeks later she seats herself next to Draco ("_Hello_") and Blaise ("_erm - Zabini_") with a contemptuous look on her face. For a moment she is sidetracked by the noticable shadows under the blonde's silver eyes, for, in a way, it only adds to his irresistable state.

Blaise has the nerve to confront her about her staring then ("_trying to bore a hole in Malfoy's head, are we, Pansy?_") and, firing a glare in his direction that means death by incineration, she pats Malfoy's arm.

Dull, gray eyes meet her anxious gaze ("_I'm not in the mood, Parkinson_") and then he turns his sullen look back towards a random spot on the opposing wall.

It shouldn't matter to her that he's giving her the cold shoulder; after all, she's a Slytherin, and these sort of things mean absolutely nothing.

But, as it is, her heart gives an uncomfortable throb and she looks away ("_It's Pansy_") so they don't see the burning in her eyes.

**_x_X_x_**

Pansy receives a strongly worded Howler from her father in October ("_Your mother is distraught - we - we've raised a blood traitor in the family - I cannot believe you would dare betray us like - like this_") portraying just how drunk he is. She has no doubt in her mind that his hand is currently descending on her mother's back to release pent up anger in some form, no matter how unjustified it is.

Grabbing some firewhiskey from under the floorboards where she notices Zabini tends to hide it, Pansy lounges back on one of the ebony couches in the common room; she then procedes to drown her fear, anger and hurt with alcohol until she can't even think straight anymore ("_ashes, ashes, we all fall down, hehe!_")and all she can accomplish is glancing up at the ceiling and noticing unicorns prancing in rows.

She bursts out laughing at how silly it all is.

**_x_****X_x_**

Draco nudges her with the tip of his shiny shoe the next morning ("_you're drunk_") and she can see through wobbly vision that his lips are settling in what seems like a permanent grimace.

Pansy giggles like a small child again ("_lighten up, Draco, and smell the roses_") and allows him to drag her to her feet, feeling his arms loop around her waist as she sways dangerously.

She's not sure when his touch started to tingle and she doesn't bother to entertain the fleeting thought.

**_x_X_x_**

Pansy Parkinson enjoys attention, ("_Pansy, oh my gosh, eeeee, is that a new scarf?"_) especially when she is in the spotlight.

She loves the way her devoted followers ("_Now, what are your names again?_") make her feel as if she is the prettiest girl in Hogwarts, because she is (and because she'll never admit to any of them that sometimes - rarely ever - she feels ugly and unwanted.)

**_x_X_x_**

She catches Draco looking at the youngest Weasley again ("_Isn't she ugly, Draco?_") and subtly trashes the red-head's very appearance.

Draco turns to look at her ("_Uh - yeah, sure_") and she feels her chest tighten with the knowledge that he stuttered because Malfoy's never, ever stutter.

So Pansy continues on ("_Ugh, I can't even stand to look at that filth!_") just to make sure he's not paying any more attention to one of those pathetic Weasley's because he _can't_, though she won't admit why.

He glares at her and quickly masks it ("_you should look away then, Pansy_") and her heart thumps a little too emphatically and she gets a damp, mildew feel in her lungs (some would call it guilt.)

**_x_X_x_**

Pansy recieves a letter from her mother at the end of November, just days after the "elaborate" Thanksgiving feast Dumbledore set up for the students.

For a second she almost throws it away, then catches herself and rips open the seal before she can change her mind. Her face quickly pales with each word ("_filthy, ungrateful girl - how could you - your father is facing an inquiry at work all be - because of you - because you didn't lo - love us enough to stay!_") she reads.

Leaving an open Charms book on the table ("_of course I was studying, Professor Snape_") Pansy walks deliberately for the safety of the tree enclosed lake, her thoughts a muddled frenzy.

Once there she tears the letter to shreds, throwing one piece at a time onto the surface of the rippling waters ("_at least I can relish the finality this way, at least I can recognize that I was the one who ripped it up and threw it away_") and watching as the haunting words drift far away from her. She determines she will never open another letter from her parents.

Footsteps echo behind her but she doesn't turn around ("_what do you want?_") and lets her biting words travel the distance.

A warm hand lands on her shoulder and silver eyes pierce her ("_you threw the letter away why exactly?_") and Pansy almost appreciates Draco's wry tone.

She doesn't look at him ("_I hate my parents_") and doesn't hug him like the teeniest part of her wants to; she only allows the fact that he of all people will understand her harsh declaration to sift through her pulsing heart.

**_x_X_x_**

Pansy would never admit it to herself, but she enjoys watching Draco fly. He seems so free in the air, like nothing can possibly hurt him when he is defying gravity on a broom and the clouds dance around his dancing, weaving body.

He has accomplished what she longs for: _.

Draco can push his thoughts away and sink into himself and just not care and Pansy wishes that she could do the same. But _no_, she is lost in a puddle of dreary feelings and worthless emotions.

So she watches him and whispers to herself ("_you're beautiful, Draco_") in a tone so quiet even she can barely hear it because she sounds so mushy and she _hates it_.

**_x_X_x_**

She catches Draco sneaking a glance that isn't conniving at the Weasley girl again ("_getting mushy are we, Malfoy?_") and she jests with him in the faint hope of catching his attention.

Draco looks at her ("_since when do you care so much?_") and Pansy fears that he's catching on; then confusion settles because she's not sure what he could possibly be catching onto.

**_x_X_x_**

She finds a Christmas present from her parents at the Owlery when she goes to send a letter to one of her followers ("_they actually have the gall to think they're my equals_") and chucks it out the window, preparing to curse the package into bleak nothingness.

But someone beats Pansy to it ("_Avada Kedavra!_") and she turns to see Draco holding out his wand in his typical, lazy manner, a thin smirk spreading across his pale lips. The shadows under his eyes seem to darken even now and she suspects - no, she doesn't, _won't_.

A smirk crawls onto her own face ("_I wasn't aware you could use the killing curse on a Christmas present_") because she's not sure what else to do. Her heart is twisting uncomfortably and Pansy nearly screws her face up with just how much the organ hurts right now; damn her parents.

She's not good with hurt, doesn't know how to react to emotional turmoil. She and Draco are actually very alike in that regard.

His gray eyes observe her ("_by the way you were sending the package hurtling to the depths of the valley I wasn't concerned with proprietry_") and then he's handing her a tiny, wrapped box.

Pansy unwraps the gift to reveal a thin, silver ring that doesn't have any initials or romantic messages ("_it's beautiful_") on it but that shouldn't, doesn't matter.

They head off to breakfast, her eyes twinkling a bit more than normal. ("_You certainly look happy about my present, Pansy._") ("_Wipe that smug look off your face before I do it for you, Draco._")

**_x_X_x_**

Her bubble pops almost instantly, her bubble of transparent happiness that is.

They're heading back from breakfast, Pansy's arm hooked through Draco's, when the blonde pulls away from her ("_where are you going, Draco?_")

A smirk crawls onto Draco's face as he approaches the Weasley girl, who is currently involved in a heated discussion with the Mudblood Granger, and Pansy feels her heart shrivel just a bit because she's seen that expression on his face before.

He pokes Weasley's arm and she glances at him in surprise ("_oh, it's you_") before responding in a wary tone.

Draco pretends not to notice Weasley's distaste and, to Pansy's horror, instead produces a larger jewelry box then what Pansy got earlier.

Pansy finds herself unconsciously leaning forward to hear their conversation, much to Zabini's amusement ("_seems you're yesterday's news, Parkinson._")

The Weasley girl's expression changes to one of shock when she opens the box to reveal a sparkling, diamond necklace ("_so you're trying to bribe me now...charming_") but her blunt tactics never falter.

Draco returns to Pansy's side but a moment later, a delighted smirk etched onto his upturned lips ("_you're not interested in that filth, are you Draco?_") that not even Pansy's snide comments can dampen.

**_x_X_x_**

In the middle of January, when the song birds are singing their brilliant tunes outside and the frost is melting away to be replaced by flowering buds and chartreuse leaves, Pansy loses her crumbling self-control.

Her fingers knot into fists ("_how can you do this, Draco_?") as she yells at her blonde friend. His hackles rise ("_what on earth are you talking about, Parkinson?_") and his volleys come in sharp retorts.

She shakes her head ("_you dare betray your Slytherin promise and sink to the level of a blood traitor - a Weasley no less!_") and hisses with more vehemence than probably necessary. His shocked, silver eyes nearly unseat her ("_I would never betray Slytherin!_")

But Pansy has always been known for whining ("_she will lead you away from the Dark Lord!_") and as her hand clamps down on his left forearm she relishes in the wince that comes from his mouth.

And with the wince comes the true knowledge that Draco is one of them now ("_how could you not tell me you were a Death Eater?_") and hurt battles fear. She doesn't want to feel this over a boy, this git of a blonde no less, but she does and now Weasley threatens to tear him away the Dark Lord will probably dispose of him eventually and her heart bleeds over the terrifying thoughts.

He just looks at her for a long time ("_you have no right to my personal life, Pansy, and you sure as bloody hell don't have any control over my relationships. Why does this even matter to you, anyways?_") and when the tired, quiet words finally come they nearly shatter her.

She walks away and seals her heart off. She will never be so weak again.

**_x_X_x_**

She passes by Draco in the halls as if he doesn't exist ("_Zabini, did you hear someone talking?_") and simply locks herself in her chambers when he happens to approach ("_Snape, I think - Malfoy - could do some good in - another house._")

After awhile she senses that Draco has simply given up on her ("_at last; I was getting tired of his stalking habits_") and watches around corners with a heavy heart as he grows ever closer to the Weasley girl.

Blaise tries, in his stuffy way, to comfort her ("_relax, Pansy, the Weasley girl's just another fling for Draco; he'll come back to you eventually_") and she smirks ("_Why didn't I think of that?_") and doesn't believe him.

_**x**_**X_x_**

Pansy writes home for the first time in months ("_my parents were bound to have a conniption if I didn't write eventually_") because she's not sure what else to do. She's a Slytherin and this is humiliating because she should have a way out of every circumstance but she doesn't when it comes to Draco and it scares her.

A reply comes ("_you're stronger than you think, Pansy; it's how we raised you_") and a tiny smile lifts the corners of her mouth just a little. If someone were to look over at her they wouldn't even have seen it.

**_x_X_x_**

She seats herself in her typical place near Draco at the beginning of February ("_I'm ravenous...aren't you, Draco?_") and watches his expression lighten incrementally, knowing that's most of the reaction she will get from the blonde.

Gray eyes widen a bit as they scope out her open expression - well, as much as a Slytherin can obtain an open expression, that is - and they just look at each other for a second and then ("_welcome back to the dark side, Pansy_") everything is okay again.

Pansy can't help but glance helplessly at his covered left forearm ("_it's good to be back_") even though she would insist she's never helpless.

**_x_X_x_**

It's a simple moment that she will attempt to push to the back of her mind, a simple moment that just happens to change everything.

Pansy is walking around the lake with Draco ("_aren't you ever worried about dying, Draco?_") and she can't help but inquire something that's been bothering her for quite some time.

They pause, fingers linking easily, and her heart rate picks up in that traitorous, fluttering rhythm; she wonders what life will be like in twenty-odd years ("_all the time, Pansy, but it's the Dark Lord's will that matters, not mine_") and the thought of Draco buried beneath the earth with a long stilled heartbeat hurts...really, truly hurts.

Her lips don't press against his cheek like she imagines ("_why don't you just run away then?_") and they stand there, staring at the lake together.

Draco never answers her but she knows the answer: he _can't_, not now, not ever.

Something changes between them and Pansy doesn't think Draco realizes it.

**_x_X_x_**

He goes back to watching Ginny, frustration etched on his face that only Pansy and Zabini can see.

Ginny locks gazes with Draco and mumbles something to Dean Thomas; their fingers link under the table and Draco's eyes darken into storm clouds.

Pansy thinks she understands ("_she's clearly not falling for your charm, Draco_") why Draco moons after the Weasley girl like this: Ginny is something he can't obtain, something just out of his reach.

Draco always loved hunting.

**_x_X_x_**

Pansy heads home for Easter, reluctant if not belligerent.

She's barely even through the front door when her father slams it behind him ("_you'd better have a good excuse as to why you abandoned your home for Hogwarts!_") and growls menacingly down at her 5'3 stature.

Now she's no Gryffindor and thus doesn't necessarily have the bravery to stand up to her father but she is clever ("_I am old enough to make my own decisions, Father_") and hopes that is enough to help her. Alcohol taints his breath and Pansy has a fleeting thought that this conversation may not end well.

Sure enough, within minutes, fingers tear and blood seeps and screams emit from her pale lips and she's left shivering on the floor. She knows she needs help but she's a Slytherin and this would disrupt everything she's ever been taught: she can survive this world alone, or rule it, either way works.

But considering she's currently lying on the floor covered in her own, sticky, crimson blood -

- she grasps her wand with shaking fingers and uses magic to pack her things. She then apparates to the first place she thinks of.

Silver eyes meet her ashen face ("_thought I'd drop in, Malfoy_") and then surprisingly warm arms pull her into a standing position ("_Merlin, what happened to you, Pansy?_") and lower her onto a plush couch.

Her lips are quivering then ("_my father lost it - he was - he was drunk and - and he just - lost it_") and she wants so desperately to give into her position as a female but she's better than that. But Draco is looking at her and he seems so concerned and she notices the dark bags under his eyes and can't take it anymore.

She falls into his embrace and shudders but doesn't cry ("_I'm sorry - I'm so sorry, Draco - I - I don't want - I - just -just can't handle this_") and if she were feeling even a bit better she would laugh at the awkward way in which he attempts to comfort her.

**_x_X_x_**

The incident with her father leaves deep scars, both furrowed grooves in her skin that represent the physical anguish she went through and emotional cracks in her heart that threaten to shatter at any moment.

The day they arrive back at Hogwarts Draco gives her a significant look to make sure she's okay. Her eyes narrow ("_I'm not a china doll - I can fend for myself!_") and she brushes off his glance with a chilling glare.

She's not fine.

**_x_X_x_**

Against all odds Pansy is ordered by Professor Snape in March to find herself a tutor so she can prepare for her NEWTs ("_are you calling me stupid?_") and when she refuses Dumbledore suggests Ginny Weasley.

Pansy arranges to meet the blood traitor at 9 am ("_don't be late, Weasley; on second thought, don't bother showing up_") in the library to start their studying sessions. The red-head shows up early, to Pansy's dismay, and waits for her student with legs crossed at the ankles and a genuine smile on her freckle-splattered face.

Ginny smiles again in that nauseating manner ("_let's get started, shall we?_") and procedes to open up Pansy's Potions book.

Pansy struggles to keep an indifferent, if displeased, expression on her face but the girl is just so bloody nice ("_you know I don't like you, right?_")

Ginny chuckles under her breath ("_I'm pretty sure that's already been established_") and works out a section on Amortentia with Pansy, the words "love" and "tamper" poking out at the two girls.

It is an uncomfortable meeting; but that is to be expected. They arrange to meet again tomorrow afternoon at 4 pm over tea and little cakes.

**_x_X_x_**

Zabini teases her over breakfast several mornings later ("_you're becoming a big softy, Parkinson, meeting with the blood traitor_") and Pansy has to catch herself from defending the Weasley girl ("_it's necessary, if I want to refrain from expulsion._")

But Draco gives her one of his smoldering looks ("_I see_") and Pansy knows he's discovered her tolerance of - erm - Ginevra. Somehow it doesn't really bother her that Draco knows; he's a clever lad when he wants to be.

**_x_X_x_**

Pansy is studying with Ginny again in the library, their heads bowed over a Transfiguration book.

There is one topic they never speak of, dread even thinking about because surely the other can pick up on the offensive train of thought: Draco Malfoy.

**_x_X_x_**

Pansy finds herself staring out a window in the Slytherin common room at the end of March, her vision blurring with tears she wish would just go away. She isn't weak; she is strong and this is degrading even for someone to see her like this.

An opened letter lies on the end table next to her still form, the venemous words ("_blood traitor - you'd better not come home again - you betrayed this family - stay with the filthy mudbloods for all we care - we never - never want to see your face again!_") shattering each little facet of her heart until she's not even sure if she can care anymore.

Then he is there, beside her ("_what's wrong?_") and she feels just the slightest bit better as she allows him to the read the letter that threatens to tear her apart.

His lips press against her cheek ("_you don't belong with them anymore, Pansy_") and she's not sure why the words don't have an effect. Maybe because she hopes he will say she belongs with him, but she's not sure and she's not about to linger over it now.

**_x_X_x_**

Pansy finds Draco one April morning, his thin form tucked into an alcove and his expression so strained she can't help but pause ("_what in Merlin's name's got you so wound up, Draco?_") to sit with him.

His gray eyes study her ("_what makes you think something's wrong with me?_") and Pansy knows he's trying to defend whatever slits are left in his normally concrete mask.

She snorts ("_please, I know you well enough to see that something's wrong_") and leans her head against his shoulder, drinking in his warmth and telling herself that it means nothing.

He sighs, the sound heavy and desperate ("_he's going to kill me eventually, Pansy, because I'm not good enough to do what he's ordered_") and her heart clenches with his words.

Pansy doesn't know how to convey the words to him so instead she kisses him and surprises herself with just how much she likes his lips moving against hers. When they part their breathing is shallow and she looks at him again ("_you don't have to do this alone, Draco_") and knows that he doesn't feel what she does, doesn't belong to her like she wishes.

He doesn't answer and she determines that Draco is meant to be a loner.

**_x_X_x_**

Pansy meets Ginny for their customary studying session, her lips clamping shut as she lowers her bookbag to a wooden seat ("_Hello - Ginevra._")Ginny smiles a secret smile at the fact that her raven-haired companion has called her her actual name but makes no comment.

They begin working; it is torture, pure torture, for every time Pansy flips a page she sees Draco's decline, how he smirks first at her and then at Ginny, how he plays his games and seems not to care who they hurt, and then how he turns around and acts like he is her Prince Charming ( if she believes in such American fairy tales) and makes her feel as if she can live without him, only to admit that he is destined for death at the position of a Death Eater.

It is pure madness, even more maddening at the thought that she allows herself to fall into his spell when she knows it will only end in his departure and her broken heart.

Ginny pauses ("_you're quiet today, Pansy_") and Pansy stops to look at the curious ginger, not bothering to make any statement denying or accepting the notion.

There is a long, uncomfortable silence, broken only by the sound of a quill scribbling against parchment ("_I have my reasons, Weasley._")

**_x_X_x_**

Draco doesn't come to breakfast one morning at the end of April.

Zabini's gaze levels on Pansy, who is busy spearing her sausage in a vicious passion, and a smirk ("_upset about something?_") twists his lips.

She doesn't glare at him, doesn't say anything that might set the slimy Slytherin boy off, only murmers ("_even if I were, it's not any of your business, Zabini_") quietly, almost to herself.

He doesn't chuckle for once in his life ("_you know, that Weasley girl is turning you into one of them_") and instead glances down at his own food.

Pansy purses her lips ("_I'd rather spend time with a blood traitor than allow myself to drift into madness over Draco_") and looks over at Ginny, who is sitting by herself; the ginger's cheeks flush and red encircles her eyes and Pansy knows something has happened to upset the 5th year.

Blaise nudges her shoulder ("_so you're giving up your power and your love just to be with a Weasley - huh - interesting - I never would have pegged you for that type, Pansy_") and watches as her face pales and her eyes lose their sparkle and she gets up and walks away.

His words haunt her beyond belief.

**_x_X_x_**

Ginny owls Pansy the next day to cancel their allotted study time ("_I'm really sorry, Pansy - something - something just came up that I couldn't miss - I'll owl you to set up the next meeting - Your Friend, Ginny_") and Pansy rips up the edge that reads "your friend" and wonders why the blood traitor cancelled.

Slipping on her green and black scarf Pansy roams the halls of Hogwarts, because she has no intention of studying now, and happens to spot a scene through one of the east wing windows. Her heart seems to stop beating for a moment because it_ can't _be.

Ginny and Draco, curling up under one of the oak trees, passing back and forth a box of Honeydukes chocolate, smiles lighting their faces (and it's the first smile she's seen on Draco's face in a long time.) There are still shadows under the blonde's eyes but both of them look so happy it makes Pansy want to scream.

Later that day Pansy sends Ginny a post ("_I don't think I will be needing your services anymore, considering you're a blood traitor - Goodbye - Pansy_") and slumps under her covers and sulks and doesn't want to get up.

_**x**_**X_x_**

She gets up the next morning, unable to keep from moving around.

When Zabini smirks at her ("_someone's got a pouty expression_") she finds the urge to snap at him easily, so much more easier than before ("_get the hell away from me before I hex you into oblivion!_") and doesn't even feel guilty when she sees the shock written all over his face.

After all, he's the one who goaded her into becoming this monster and so he'll be the one who gets the brunt of it all, whatever it is. She's not sure anymore - she just wants someone to pay.

**_x_X_x_**

She spots him as he rushes past her, tears rushing down his cheeks and showing her that he does have emotion past the depth of a teaspoon. The only question is: ("_Draco, what in Merlin's name are you crying about?_")

The answer comes almost immediately in the form of a disbelieving scream; then there is a cacophony of wails that demand the truth, that plead for this to all be just a dream, just a nightmare, nothing more. There is shattering glass and Pansy feels shards pierce her pale skin, drenching her in crimson as she just stares at the Death Eaters parading in the Great Hall.

She almost envies Draco in that moment when he spots her and his silver eyes beg for her to understand. She does, oh she does.

There is chaos and more crying and Pansy discovers the entire population of Hogwarts gathered around the cold, still body of Dumbledore ("_God, how could you do this Draco?_") and now she understands more than ever and wishes she doesn't.

The only truth in her mind at this moment - the truth piercing her heart with its raw power - is that Draco is gone and that she doesn't think she can live without him.

**_x_X_x_**

Pansy meets Ginny in the library two days later. She isn't crying, can't seem to find the reflex, while Ginny's eyes currently encircle with red and tears build in her chestnut orbs.

Pansy just looks at Ginny ("_did you know, that Draco was a Death Eater?_") and Ginny nods in responce ("_did you?_") and Pansy feels her face work but she won't, can't cry, can only nod barely at all. There's nothing much to say now, nothing to do but sit and hurt and hurt until they can't bleed over it anymore.

Pansy bites her lip and the question is screaming in her mind ("_did you love him, Ginny?_") and the question burns in the air; it is unquenchable, untamable.

A lone tear streaks down Ginny's pale cheek ("_I still do_") and everything seems to go numb.

("_Did you love him?_") Pansy doesn't even notice the question hanging from Ginny's mouth until it is right in front of her own blank gaze.

She doesn't answer because she loves him so much it physically hurts - and - and she's too afraid to admit it.

Suddenly tears are flowing and she can't stop them and be numb and nonchalant because, _damn it_, this _hurts_, and she just needs to grieve, Slytherin background or not.

Pansy Parkinson breaks down.

**_x_X_x_**

She doesn't attend Dumbledore's funeral ("_care to join me in the common room, Zabini?_") and instead rests her head against a window and wishes she could fade away.

Blaise taps the arm of his chair ("_what are you thinking about?_") and, for once, actually acts responsible. The sky must be falling.

Pansy looks at him, recognizes their friendship for the first time in six years ("_I'm leaving, Blaise_") and feels just a bit lighter.

His cold gaze studies her ("_why, might I inquire?_") and waits for her answer.

She meets his appraising look ("_I have to be powerful; I can't be stuck within this damn castle anymore, not when Draco is out there!_") and her heart seems to freeze over.

A faint smirk curls on her lips and Blaise knows she is saying goodbye in her own way.

**_x_X_x_**

Ginny Weasley walks the grounds that night, her robes swishly gently around her form as she looks at the exterior of the dungeons, the Slytherin accommodations. A flickering light goes off in one of the windows and Ginny thinks of Pansy.

The red-heads fingers trail over the tree that she rested with Draco Malfoy at not even three months ago - yet it - it feels like an eternity.

She smiles in the darkness ("_I hope you find your happiness, Draco_") and then begins the ascent towards the entrance to the castle, picturing silver eyes and hissing snakes.

**|fin|**


End file.
